Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Day the Dead ... Came Alive

Submitted for your approval, the first scene of the first act of The Day the Dead ... Came Alive. This is the most famous portion of an old audio skit I performed extemporaneously into a tape recorder with my neighbor boy around the fifth grade. Years later this tape became a party favorite in Club 202, my college dorm room. We would perform these words nightly as a Dionysian ritual. Now you can bring the magic to your own clubhouse. Everyone choose roles, or have some megalomaniac among you assume the part of the director and assign roles. Lights, camera, action. If you forget your line, everybody drink, the director yells "cut" and stomps around the set, and then makes you start all over from the beginning.
Here, I made some character sketches this weekend to help you visualize your part.


Baby

Daddy

Joey

Mommy


Peter Farnswick

The Day the Dead … Came Alive

(Script for an animated movie/drinking game)

Act 1

Peter Farnswick in his study, introduces the story with a Hitchcock-after-a-stroke speech impediment that has him spewing brandy down his quivering chins as he slurridly enunciates.

Farnswick: Come with me now as we embark on a dark and dismal journey through the stinking corpse of Middle America we call Suburbia for a cautionary tale that will leave your sheets wet. A tale we call … The Day the Dead (looks around confused as if making up the title on the spot) …. Came Alive!

Eerie title in Scooby Doo font floats in front of Fanswick as he tries to laugh menacingly but instead chokes himself up in a phlegm-laden coughing fit.

Fade to: a quiet family home at dusk. All houses in neighborhood are identical McMansions, all have eerie blue TV glow flickering in the windows.

Farnswick: (VO) We descend upon the happy household of the Family of 4 …

Farnswick (Voice over as we jerk the camera from close-up to close-up of the cast): Mommy, Daddy, Baby, and Joey.

Joey: Gee, Mom, what’s for supper?

Mommy: Asparagus.

Joey: Aw Mom I hate asparagus.

Daddy: Son, you have to learn to eat what is set before you.

Baby: Ga ga goo goo ga ga

Daddy: Shaddup!

Mommy: Harold, don’t yell at the baby.

Joey: Hey Pops, can me and Lewis go snipe hunting after dinner tonight?

Daddy: NO!

Joey: Aw, Dad, you promised!

Daddy: I said only if you get your homework done so get to it!

(Smacks the kid)

Joey runs crying up the stairs

Mommy: Harold, you’re being too hard on the boy.

Daddy: It’s good for him. Teaches him respect. Say, what’s for supper?

Mommy: Asparagus.

Daddy: (Lost behind the newspaper) Say did you read here about Old Man Caruthers?

Mommy: Um … no, no I hadn't ….

Daddy: Well it says here he died last night from some strange reason they can’t … detect….

Mommy: No I hadn’t read that.

Daddy: Someone should check up on Mrs. Caruthers. Say where’s that supper?

Mommy: Aspara- oh I burnt the asparagus! Now we’re having pickle juice.

Baby: Ga ga goo goo ga ga

Mommy: Shaddup!

Aaaaaand Scene.